Seismicon Advice Archives
Normally Seismicon would charge you good money for our useful tips and information on technology, politics, and pickled gherkins, but in order to remain eligible for various endowments and grants we sometimes offer advice free of charge.
The following archives represent our work on some of the most pressing issues of the day:
Mayan Doomsday 2012
Having successfully guided human society through the potential cataclysms of Y2K and Y6B, Seismicon turned its attention to forestalling the next doomsday event, 2102, the year when the creepy Mayan calendar ran out of numbers.
Student Loan Payments, Consolidation, Forgiveness and Your Ultimate Doom
You foolishly took out tens of thousands of dollars in student loans and are now expected to pay them back. Seismicon would be tempted to laugh at you if we were not having so much fun buying yachts and mansions with the interest you send us every month. And with the new bailout plan recently passed in Washington, your tax dollars will soon go directly to us so that we have even more money to lend you. here.
Y6B
On October 12, 1999, a baby born in Sarejevo became the official six billionth living person to occupy the planet, which begged the question -- are there enough chickens available on earth to feed six billion people? The answer was yes. Thanks to genetically engineered crops and water privatization, we've been able to jack up the earth's population to well over 7 billion. And we're not stopping there! We plan to have over 25 billion people enjoying our products by mid-Century..
Y2K
On January 1, 2000 the world's computer systems were supposed to collapse and cause planetary chaos. In 1997, Seismicon advised the world's foremost financial institutions and governments what could be done to avoid the problem and lucky for you they followed our advice.
How to Stir Fry Your Food
Most Americans are pathetic when it comes to cooking Chinese food (except for Chinese Americans, of course). As part of our ongoing effort to educate the American population on the existence and behavior of foreign cultures, we offer cooking advice on how to cook better Chinese food.
