Student Loan Payment, Repayment, Consolidation and All Other Matters Pertaining to Student Loans
You fool. You damned fool.
You took out tens of thousands of dollars in student loans and now you are being asked to repay them.
You thought you would be rich by now, but you're not.
You heard some rumor that you could join the Peace Corps when you got out of college, but then realized you don't like malaria, insects, or just plain helping other people for that matter. Plus, it's not like they forgive your loans, they just defer them.
Then you went back to school to avoid paying your loans, but now you owe even more.
Well, welcome to the 21st Century version of wage slavery. Seismicon has one thing to say to you... GOTCHA! Funny you would come to us for advice, since a large part of the interest you will be paying for the next 30 years will be helping to pay for one of our yachts or private jets.
It's tough, isn't it... you can't exactly complain about being duped by the student loan industry (which includes your lovely alma matter, by the way), because you are supposed to be well-educated. In fact, taking out tens of thousands of dollars in student loans is commonly considered a wise investment.
Wise if you want to work for massive corporations your entire life.
Still, we hear at Seismicon are not completely unsympathetic to your pain. After all, we want you to pay us back for the money we loaned you, not kill yourself. So here's some useful helpful advice on student loan consolidation, repayment, and forgiveness strategies you should consider:
Don't declare backruptcy.
Pray for inflation.
Go work overseas.
Start saving for your kids education.
Consider the moon. Seismicon has several lunar construction projects that require skilled technical workers that can't be filled by our prison labor pool.
Other than that, we recommend our automatic withdrawal plan. Now quit reading and get to work!
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